Social Anxiety Documentary- Afraid of People

I just wanna say I’m very aware that there are people in the world who have things much, much worse than me. I am aware that this is kind of a “first-world” problem unlike starvation, disease, prison, and being shot to death.

On the other hand this has fucked up my life for well over 20 years and continues to fuck it up to this day. I am almost 50.

I remember in about 1993 when I was going to college, one day I left class and needed to cross an outdoor courtyard between the buildings. It was full of people. I remember I looked at it and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t walk through a crowd. I just knew they were looking at me, judging me, waiting to laugh.

So the inestimably reasonable solution my brain came up with was to go behind one of the buildings and climb over the chain-link fence with barbed-wire on top of it. As I came over the top I tore a hole in my shorts, which made things 10X worse. Any thoughts of making it to the rest of my classes were totally gone. I just went home for the day.

It was a big factor in me not succeeding in college. I made the dean’s list, had a 3.5 g.p.a.. I flunked out because I couldn’t handle going to class, the crowds, the people. I feel like the nerd in The Breakfast Club, where he couldn’t make the lamp work when you pulled on the elephants trunk. The other guy is baffled. “How can you not do that? It’s so simple.”

To this day I’m afraid to go to the grocery store. I put it off, or buy fast food instead not because I’m lazy but because I’m afraid to deal with people. I’m afraid for them to see me, to be looked at, in any capacity.

I do not sleep the day before job interviews, doctors appointments, anything important. I can’t. My last job I would panic on the way to work every day. I’ve had several jobs that involve sales. Every call, every appointment was like a confrontation with Freddy Kreuger in my mind. I’m afraid to speak to people, anyone I don’t know.

20 years ago I didn’t know what it was called, wouldn’t have believed it if I did and neither would anyone else. If they did believe it you would just be made fun of for being so weak.

So yeah, it’s a thing. It’s like someone with schizophrenia in some ways. Some schizophrenics know their hallucinations or delusions aren’t real, but that doesn’t make you not hear them, or not see them, or not think those thoughts.

I know it’s ridiculous. I know these are the simplest things that a child can do. I’m a grown man and can’t handle going to a store, or a conversation. That doesn’t make it any better. It only makes it worse because it makes me more aware of what a failure I am. Knowing that none of it is real does not make the fear go away, because I can assure you that that, of all things, is very real indeed.

Even if you can make it part of the way up in the world, social anxiety can still stop you.

I worked hard at a job and was technically next in line for a promotion. It would have been enough to help with my wife’s future medical treatment. I was so sure I’d get it.

Then I don’t get and I get told its only because I’m not “interactive enough.” Or basically I’m not super social and friendly, so all my hard work meant nothing. I’m actively trying to push myself to be social, but I’m having so many mini heart attacks a day forcing it that its driving me nuts.

We definitely need more awareness on SAD.

And I know your feeling about going to the grocery store. I went for the first time in my life by myself to get a present for my wife’s b-day as a surprise. Mixed with a migraine, I almost blacked out in an aisle. But I don’t tell people because no one would believe me.

Bigorexia – Never Buff Enough

Thousands of men are living with an extreme body image disorder known as bigorexia. Experts estimate one-in-ten men training in gyms in the UK may have the condition. It’s been compared to anorexia in reverse – where men become obsessed with putting on muscle. It can lead to depression, steroid abuse and in extreme cases, death.

Newsbeat meets men living with the condition and those who have had their lives turned upside down because of it.

Frank Zane looked like a very muscular human. The others look more like animals as far as I’m concerned. It’s all due to the abuse of insulin and HGH/IGF-1 we have seen in the last decade. HGH can literally make your organs grow, resulting in the huge stomachs of modern pros. Rich Piana actually said his HGH use led to his belly button tearing because his intestines grew so much (he did 10 years of 20iu/ed.)

The difference came in the ’90s when they started using human growth hormone and insulin. This is also why so many of them have died or have symptoms of palumboism.

Edit: Actually the guy in the video is pretty clueless about what causes it. Lee Priest and other pros have come out and said that the insulin users they know have these symptoms. The only real debate is whether it’s insulin alone or insulin + HGH combo that causes it.

It’s interesting to hear that bullying influenced at least one of the participants in that documentary. I’d be curious to know how many “big” guys at the gym were actually a lot smaller growing up. I was beat up/bullied in middle school a lot (like a lot of people), but it wasn’t until I got knocked out a couple of times in my late teens/early 20’s that I started weightlifting.

As a side note, if a friend ever introduces you to someone by saying, “hey UnbearableBear, this is my coke guy”, and your friend never actually says their name….that dude is shady and probably going to hit you. Or if you meet someone who has a tattoo of them peeing on a police officer, maybe don’t bring your snarky witticisms to the conversation cause look out he’s punching you.

I never learned how to fight or defend myself, but I understood that evolution not only favors the poisonous snake, but also the pussysnake that LOOKS like the poisonous snake. I’m the pussysnake. Of course over time there have been side-benefits (getting rid of acne, eating healthier, being less invisible to people you find pretty), but my main goal of avoiding my natural predators (drunk white males) has definitely been achieved. I’m also almost 30, so if I was getting concussions from strangers on the reg and I’m not a professional football player I’m definitely doing something wrong.

I know I think a little too much about exercise and feel guiltier than I should when I miss a session, but there are worse problems to have in this world I guess. Like having weak traps.

Male Birth Control, Without Condoms, Will Be Here by 2017

Vasalgel, a reversible form of male birth control, just took one step closer to your vas deferens.

According to a press release from the Parsemus Foundation, a not-for profit organization focused on developing low-cost medical approaches, Vasalgel is proving effective in a baboon study. Three lucky male baboons were injected with Vasalgel and given unrestricted sexual access to 10 to 15 female baboons each. Despite the fact that they have been monkeying around for six months now, no female baboons have been impregnated. With the success of this animal study and new funding from the David and Lucile Packard Foundation, the Parsemus Foundation is planning to start human trials for Vasalgel next year. According to their FAQ page, they hope to see it on the market by 2017 for, in their words, less than the cost of a flat-screen television.

So how does Vasalgel work? It is essentially a reimagining of a medical technology called RISUG (reversible inhibition of sperm under guidance) that was developed by a doctor named Sujoy Guha over 15 years ago in India, where it has been in clinical trials ever since. Unlike most forms of female birth control, Vasalgel is non-hormonal and only requires a single treatment in order to be effective for an extended period of time. Rather than cutting the vas deferens—as would be done in a vasectomy—a Vasalgel procedure involves the injection of a polymer contraceptive directly into the vas deferens. This polymer will then block any sperm that attempt to pass through the tube. At any point, however, the polymer can be flushed out with a second injection if a man wishes to bring his sperm back up to speed.

Woman walks off more than 200 pounds at the airport

A Des Moines airport employee has been struggling with her health for years, but now she’s turning it all around one step at a time.

At a place known for its constant movement, Vento was hardly moving at all.

“I couldn’t cross my legs,” said Vento.

Vento has worked for the Des Moines Airport for 10 years. At one point, she weighed 370 pounds. Her weight seemed like just a nuisance until March of 2013, when her doctor diagnosed her with Type 2 diabetes.

“I’ve had three doctors try and talk me into having the stomach surgery,” said Vento.

Vento refused to rely on surgery to solve her problem. So she started walking.

“I could only do maybe 10 or 15 minutes a day walking, and then I worked up to twice a day. Now I have gone to three times a day,” said Vento.

Three times a day, five days a week she walks around the airport terminal. Her coworkers noticed.

“I kept saying to her, ‘How do you do it? How are you so committed and not eating anything you shouldn’t be eating?’ And she’s just been awesome with it,” said Coleen Roberts.

“A lot of them still don’t know my name,” said Vento. “They just knew I worked here and they just have been so wonderful and so supportive that I couldn’t disappoint them.”

Everyone noticed her circling the baggage claim, even passengers.

“The passengers, when they see me go around multiple times, will stop me and they’ll say ‘Are you exercising and have you lost weight?’” said Vento.

Yes she has. Since March of 2013, she has lost more than 200 pounds Her diabetes is now gone.

Even she can’t believe it.

“It just looks like a different person,” said Vento.

“I just remember as a little girl just struggling with weight, and all of the sudden she just decided to walk. And I’ve been so proud of her ever since. She looks so good after losing all that weight,” said Vento’s cousin Sue Hartman.

Vento calls it her second chance at life, and this time, she isn’t letting anyone slow her down.

“I didn’t want people looking at me. Now, you know, it’s like ‘I’m here!’”